you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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