A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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