with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
