Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
