ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
