Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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