I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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