I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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