If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
