i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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