Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
