you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
