she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
