well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
