We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
