my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
