Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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