Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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