I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
