He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
