They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
