Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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