Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
