My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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