So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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