so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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