She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
