I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
