So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
