I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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