I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
