You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
