Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
