i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
