So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
