Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
