I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
