you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
