so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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