Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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