I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
