there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
