Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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