Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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