I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
