to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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