You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
