I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
