I wanna bring you to show and tell
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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