We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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