ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
