I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
