I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
