know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
