Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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