I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
