dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
