My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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