we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
