you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
