my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
