We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
