You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
