the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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