Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
