there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
