Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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