i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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